


Sonder (Fool’s Gold)

by Korilans



Category: Original - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: M/M, More fuckin’ feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 05:11:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13920093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korilans/pseuds/Korilans
Summary: An emotional vent piece based on one of my favorite words.





	Sonder (Fool’s Gold)

Sonder, no I didn’t spell that wrong. It’s the realization that another human being has the same vivid awareness of their existence as you do. Put simply its realizing just how lonely you are despite the seven billion other human beings on the planet.

I never know sonder as intimately as I do after I’m left alone by one I would’ve let past all my walls, by one I had thought at least started the journey. I dare say no better word than betrayal exists for one who would force you to experience sonder, perhaps I’m being melodramatic, anxious?

I trusted you to care, you said you wanted me. It was my choice to trust you, certainly, but what sign did you give me not to? Our relationship?... was strange from the start, I could not judge it by all normal weights and balances. If I had then maybe I would’ve been wiser than to give you what you did not deserve.

I’m sorry for trusting you, if it makes you feel any better. Because of it now I have forced us both to carry the blame, do you even feel the weight of it? Care enough about the hurt you’ve caused to even attempt to bear your share of this monstrosity?

They say all’s fair in love and war, what about when it’s not love? I don’t think I’d ever call what we had love. It might’ve been if what you had given me was worth more than the dust I now feel covered with after being put away like a book that no longer holds it’s reader’s attention.

Should I call you a ghost? Were you ever here? Was leaving you intention from the start? Months I gave you, never once did I give another more attention than I did you. What was returned to me was not of equal value, I invested my time poorly it seems. What you gave me, at the time, seemed perfect, I realize now this is why they call it fool’s gold.

It’s in this loneliness, after you’ve left me to silence and self deprecation, that I am forced to confront the fact that you too are human and have...circumstances, demons? If only for a moment you helped me fight mine, did you know I would’ve helped you fight yours as well?

Sonder, obscure as it seems is something we all know, but don’t know by name. A realization that we are not alone in our loneliness. Everyone has walls, and weapons, and demons, and even a few saving graces. You’re not perfect, but you never needed to be, because I knew you were human, and I think I could’ve loved you anyway. Could you have loved me, had this all gone differently?

I wish I could reach you now. All I have left is your silence. All I have left is the fool’s gold you gave me. All I have left is the nightmare that you hate me. All I have left is the fleeting dream that we could’ve been. All I have left is sonder.


End file.
